Just found your newsletter today via the searing comment you posted re the recent CEO assassination. I’ve since sent your list to dozens of friends—the common link between us being: no surprise there (mixed with how did this not happen sooner?)
On another note: My brother killed himself when he was 21 years old. This was decades ago. Jump forward to this post of yours and the chunk of relief I felt for the first time in many many years, a gesture that didn’t involve platitudes. Meaning I could think of my brother’s death and also have an element of humor color the ‘unanswerable question.’
Probably most people would read that last sentence and WTF it, but I’d imagine you ‘get it.’ As a footnote: my way of coping with my brother’s death was to honor his decision. Something I rarely share with other people or family members.
Thank you for this post.
And for the hardiest laugh I’ve had all year re the pod inventor strangling his client. A Lifetime film is probably already in production.
PS: If astrology interests you let me know, and I will happily comp you a sub to my newsletter.
I had a tough time even trying to respond to your comment, I'm very touched and kinda speechless tbh. If it weren't for a daily Notes posting challenge I'm doing with some writers, I wouldn't have even posted that CEO comment. Now I am very glad I did since it reached someone like you, who is probably the ideal type of person I want to attract into my life. And I certainly share that common link with you and your friends!
As for this suicide piece - I've heard from several people now who have lost people to suicide, saying that reading this was helpful in some way. I think the important part for each person is to express what they feel authentically. I'm sure what I wrote would be offensive to some survivors and people who lost someone to suicide, which is okay. I'm writing to you, who has truly coped with conflicting feelings like honor, then relief and humor. Thanks so much for sharing this personal story with me. And very glad you laughed at the joke! I laughed my ass off for a few days straight when I first heard the story and read peoples' comments about it online. Would pay $ to see that movie.
Re astrology - this is the part where it REALLY sunk in that you're the type of person I should be around. My bio here has "enjoyer of woo" which is definitely a fairly recent (<5 year long) realization. I'm all ears for spirituality, consciousness etc that can't be explained by science. Would love to read your full newsletter and appreciate your generosity so much.
Right. I saw that ‘woo’-ness mention in your bio, otherwise I wouldn’t have highlighted my newsletter. I’ll happily add you into the inner circle today. I think you’ll find the piece I just posted about the CEO denouement in New York ‘interesting.’ The assassination is a clarion call for a larger movement that is afoot, (at least I hope so.)
And thank you for more to consider about suicide. It’s such a numinous act in a lot of ways—we associate the giving and taking of life to powers beyond oneself, but not FROM oneself. A mystery.
A delightful compression. 60-30-10 done to perfection. It's been wonderful getting to know you through the program. Once I figure out how substack works I will follow you.
Your Wallace-style endnoting is my favorite. This topic resonates. My grandma and grandpa exited stage right by suicide, an uncle, and a couple close friends too. My baby sister attempted but survived and now drops the darkest suicide jokes ever. This put a new frame on her sense of humor. Thank you.
Ah man, you are probably my ideal audience for this piece. You and your family have gone through a lot, it’s a side of humanity I wish no one had to experience. I really appreciate your feedback.
And props to your sister lol, sounds like she and I would get along.
I've never been suicidal, and I credit that to my natural ability to stop thinking when I don’t need to.
When I’m not deliberately focusing on something, the space between my ears is eerily silent. I can literally visualize my dormant mind: a soft, immaculate, homogeneous gray space where nothing ever happens.
Silence
Quiet
Stillness
Inertia
Neutral
If it weren’t for this, with all the crap that happens to me and around me, like it does for most people, I’m sure my story would be very different.
You did a great job with this one, Lily, and bonus points for knowing that dark humor can save us all! 😎
You were way ahead of the curve Danny for being able to stop that noggin! I'll try your visualization technique (not too hard to imagine for me...the gray space is pretty blank). Also, I was CONVINCED that you were going for a clever crossword puzzle/acronym with SQSIN.
Acronyms would make it seem like I’m selling self-help tips, which I’m not, and they’d also give the impression that I think deeply about things, which I also don’t—because when I do, stupidity tends to take over, so I just write what comes to mind... 🙄👀
"But it was communal laughter that turned the threads into something stronger... For me, making a killer joke out of suicide in good company took away its power."
reminds me of Boggart-Banishing Spell in Harry Potter :
"Boggarts were defeated by laughter, so forcing them to assume an amusing form was the first step to defeating them. However, because Boggarts were amortal, this spell does not truly destroy them, but merely "banish" them — it is also possible that Boggarts did not dissipate and instead fled, afraid of laughter."
Yes! HP was hugely influential for me as a kid. 3rd book where Lupin shows the kids how to defeat the boggart was fantastic (the time-bending was mindblowing too).
To your last point - very good. Boggarts will always exist. Negative emotions will always come back, just as they leave. Some of us know that a good laugh is the right spell. :)
Good article. I'd have words with parts of it though... I would need to collate them and they're very, very close to the bone, but I have a binary agree/disagree going on with this one.
footnote 19 however. Hanging need not be slow... Trust me. I mean, the actual process of dying may be slow, and I'm speaking from a neurophysiological point of view, as oxygen starvation starts to shut down the brain and kill you fairly quickly from terminal hypoxia. But if done properly it can induce immediate or near immediate unconsciousness, which is part of what makes it a popular method. The slower the method of action the more likely the action is to be stopped. Kicking a chair out from under your feet with a taught belt tied above you gives you more time conscious and more time to consider "oh fuck, this was probably a bad idea" (everyone surveyed who survived jumping off the Golden gate bridge in a survey, their first thought after jumping was "oh, shit, this was a bad idea, permanent solution to a temporary problem." Now I really respect the guy who jumped off the bridge and had a note in his pocket about his damn tooth pain.)
My friend, at least, my best friend of 21 years, and I'm guessing at least a plurality of hanging suicides, tied off a rope to an over the door clothes hanger from target. It had enough slack, but just enough. According to the coroner she did not slip, lower herself, or any other method of hanging that would produce a possible side on effect of still being conscious as she died. A born Italian Catholic dual PhD Neuroscientist and Pharmacologist, she stood in place with enough slack in the rope to poduce a snap upon her driving herself knees down as hard as she could to the floor. Being a cheap metal over the door clothes hanger, and her being only 160 pounds, she'd left just enough slack so that when it was pulled taught at speed, she most likely immediately lost consciousness from the shock and sudden cutoff of blood to her brain at all points.
So, yeah, there's that. Doubt she was the first person to have that idea.... (Same principle works if you tie off with minimal slack against a doorknob and just take a fall. Or anywhere really. Just need it tied off tight and a little snap crackle, but very rarely a broken neck, which is traditionally what killed people hanged by execution in the US.)
Just found your newsletter today via the searing comment you posted re the recent CEO assassination. I’ve since sent your list to dozens of friends—the common link between us being: no surprise there (mixed with how did this not happen sooner?)
On another note: My brother killed himself when he was 21 years old. This was decades ago. Jump forward to this post of yours and the chunk of relief I felt for the first time in many many years, a gesture that didn’t involve platitudes. Meaning I could think of my brother’s death and also have an element of humor color the ‘unanswerable question.’
Probably most people would read that last sentence and WTF it, but I’d imagine you ‘get it.’ As a footnote: my way of coping with my brother’s death was to honor his decision. Something I rarely share with other people or family members.
Thank you for this post.
And for the hardiest laugh I’ve had all year re the pod inventor strangling his client. A Lifetime film is probably already in production.
PS: If astrology interests you let me know, and I will happily comp you a sub to my newsletter.
I had a tough time even trying to respond to your comment, I'm very touched and kinda speechless tbh. If it weren't for a daily Notes posting challenge I'm doing with some writers, I wouldn't have even posted that CEO comment. Now I am very glad I did since it reached someone like you, who is probably the ideal type of person I want to attract into my life. And I certainly share that common link with you and your friends!
As for this suicide piece - I've heard from several people now who have lost people to suicide, saying that reading this was helpful in some way. I think the important part for each person is to express what they feel authentically. I'm sure what I wrote would be offensive to some survivors and people who lost someone to suicide, which is okay. I'm writing to you, who has truly coped with conflicting feelings like honor, then relief and humor. Thanks so much for sharing this personal story with me. And very glad you laughed at the joke! I laughed my ass off for a few days straight when I first heard the story and read peoples' comments about it online. Would pay $ to see that movie.
Re astrology - this is the part where it REALLY sunk in that you're the type of person I should be around. My bio here has "enjoyer of woo" which is definitely a fairly recent (<5 year long) realization. I'm all ears for spirituality, consciousness etc that can't be explained by science. Would love to read your full newsletter and appreciate your generosity so much.
Right. I saw that ‘woo’-ness mention in your bio, otherwise I wouldn’t have highlighted my newsletter. I’ll happily add you into the inner circle today. I think you’ll find the piece I just posted about the CEO denouement in New York ‘interesting.’ The assassination is a clarion call for a larger movement that is afoot, (at least I hope so.)
And thank you for more to consider about suicide. It’s such a numinous act in a lot of ways—we associate the giving and taking of life to powers beyond oneself, but not FROM oneself. A mystery.
DFW's mind was an apex predator, and you, my friend, wrestled yours until it sewed you back together
A delightful compression. 60-30-10 done to perfection. It's been wonderful getting to know you through the program. Once I figure out how substack works I will follow you.
Your Wallace-style endnoting is my favorite. This topic resonates. My grandma and grandpa exited stage right by suicide, an uncle, and a couple close friends too. My baby sister attempted but survived and now drops the darkest suicide jokes ever. This put a new frame on her sense of humor. Thank you.
Ah man, you are probably my ideal audience for this piece. You and your family have gone through a lot, it’s a side of humanity I wish no one had to experience. I really appreciate your feedback.
And props to your sister lol, sounds like she and I would get along.
I've never been suicidal, and I credit that to my natural ability to stop thinking when I don’t need to.
When I’m not deliberately focusing on something, the space between my ears is eerily silent. I can literally visualize my dormant mind: a soft, immaculate, homogeneous gray space where nothing ever happens.
Silence
Quiet
Stillness
Inertia
Neutral
If it weren’t for this, with all the crap that happens to me and around me, like it does for most people, I’m sure my story would be very different.
You did a great job with this one, Lily, and bonus points for knowing that dark humor can save us all! 😎
You were way ahead of the curve Danny for being able to stop that noggin! I'll try your visualization technique (not too hard to imagine for me...the gray space is pretty blank). Also, I was CONVINCED that you were going for a clever crossword puzzle/acronym with SQSIN.
Acronyms would make it seem like I’m selling self-help tips, which I’m not, and they’d also give the impression that I think deeply about things, which I also don’t—because when I do, stupidity tends to take over, so I just write what comes to mind... 🙄👀
Silence
Inertia
Neutrality
Lull
Emptiness
Stillness
Serenity
I see my humor has now gone a step darker. Great piece.
*Inception voice* We have to go darker
Very glad you read and enjoyed the piece!
"But it was communal laughter that turned the threads into something stronger... For me, making a killer joke out of suicide in good company took away its power."
reminds me of Boggart-Banishing Spell in Harry Potter :
"Boggarts were defeated by laughter, so forcing them to assume an amusing form was the first step to defeating them. However, because Boggarts were amortal, this spell does not truly destroy them, but merely "banish" them — it is also possible that Boggarts did not dissipate and instead fled, afraid of laughter."
Yes! HP was hugely influential for me as a kid. 3rd book where Lupin shows the kids how to defeat the boggart was fantastic (the time-bending was mindblowing too).
To your last point - very good. Boggarts will always exist. Negative emotions will always come back, just as they leave. Some of us know that a good laugh is the right spell. :)
I love this piece. The dark humor is so well done!
Thanks so much!! Was my goal to get the dark humor right, so I am very happy to hear that.
makes me think about how dark (humor) ness can lead to light, "the shadow proves the sunshine" (a song)
Good article. I'd have words with parts of it though... I would need to collate them and they're very, very close to the bone, but I have a binary agree/disagree going on with this one.
footnote 19 however. Hanging need not be slow... Trust me. I mean, the actual process of dying may be slow, and I'm speaking from a neurophysiological point of view, as oxygen starvation starts to shut down the brain and kill you fairly quickly from terminal hypoxia. But if done properly it can induce immediate or near immediate unconsciousness, which is part of what makes it a popular method. The slower the method of action the more likely the action is to be stopped. Kicking a chair out from under your feet with a taught belt tied above you gives you more time conscious and more time to consider "oh fuck, this was probably a bad idea" (everyone surveyed who survived jumping off the Golden gate bridge in a survey, their first thought after jumping was "oh, shit, this was a bad idea, permanent solution to a temporary problem." Now I really respect the guy who jumped off the bridge and had a note in his pocket about his damn tooth pain.)
My friend, at least, my best friend of 21 years, and I'm guessing at least a plurality of hanging suicides, tied off a rope to an over the door clothes hanger from target. It had enough slack, but just enough. According to the coroner she did not slip, lower herself, or any other method of hanging that would produce a possible side on effect of still being conscious as she died. A born Italian Catholic dual PhD Neuroscientist and Pharmacologist, she stood in place with enough slack in the rope to poduce a snap upon her driving herself knees down as hard as she could to the floor. Being a cheap metal over the door clothes hanger, and her being only 160 pounds, she'd left just enough slack so that when it was pulled taught at speed, she most likely immediately lost consciousness from the shock and sudden cutoff of blood to her brain at all points.
So, yeah, there's that. Doubt she was the first person to have that idea.... (Same principle works if you tie off with minimal slack against a doorknob and just take a fall. Or anywhere really. Just need it tied off tight and a little snap crackle, but very rarely a broken neck, which is traditionally what killed people hanged by execution in the US.)
This is very clever and very well-written.
The people that raised you gave you nothing to hope on as a baby, toddler or child, right?
And you have a busy mind.
These are usually present.
I love the word 'bouldering.' I opened this scientific obituary for my brother (who killed himself)
http://www.intergalacticmedicineshow.com/cgi-bin/mag.cgi?do=columns&vol=randall_hayes&article=015
with a quote that he related to me when I was not old enough to stay up for the reruns on PBS:
Are you proposing that we EAT my mother?
Yes.
I am a BIT peckish.
--“The Undertaker Sketch,” Monty Python's Flying Circus