I know you hated that Elon Musk comparison but I had to leave it in haha. It's just how my brain works. Fun to come back to this essay 2 months later with this new vitality in me. Hugs to you Claire for your friendship.
You are a gem. Not only do you support those around you but you handle adversity with grace, resilience, and integrity, and I mean that as the highest compliment. I want to be here for you as a friend as you navigate this difficult time. You were never a victim of life’s circumstances because you’ve always tried to transcend them (what I get from your writing). Your seizure of what you can control is inspiring. You are going through so much and still manage to be there for people.
It's wonderful to come back to your comment after a few months - I think I receive it so differently now. It's almost fully internalized now, whereas before I think I was still waffling on the victim/agent feeling.
I love how many places this piece went and the different emotions it gave within a 3-5 min read.
Shame. Resentment. "Fuck it" energy. Slight exasperation (okay a lot)
Well done Lily. Sorry about the situation though.
About sick leave: Was wondering the same. When I was sick in Feb, I started comparing Germany and India's company policies. If I was working in India, I'd have lost my job (or pay at least) for falling sick. In Germany, I was covered though.
But there is still a guilt of "when will you be back?" - which is natural but adds more pressure while already being sick
I went back and breezed through it after seeing your comment now after a few months - and lol the essay really did go through it all, jeez. That's even after editing down the more "I'm crying into my journal" vibe.
To my director's credit, he also mentioned the European sick leave (France in his case). Though I agree with you, there's still that pressure (though so much of it was also put on by myself!)
That you could write this piece is testament to your vitality and miraculousness. Rest and sleep and quietness are key resources for energy and, thus, accepting help to accommodate these states should be greatly welcomed. The release in accepting your own death is also quite helpful in facing all conditions with ease.
Brett, I don't think we've interacted before, and I'm coming to this reply quite late. But your gentleness towards a stranger like me is deeply felt. Thank you for your kindness.
Hi! I stumbled upon your account by chance... If you haven't yet, have a look at Dr. Gabor Maté's Work. Particularly the book "When the Body Says No". I found it eye-opening.
Marta, I appreciate you leaving a comment through the randomness of Substack! I'm commenting late but now refreshed - and here to say that I like Dr. Mate a lot. I haven't read his books, but have seen a few of his lectures. Thank you for the rec on a specific book!
I love you, Lily. Your pieces always contains a tremendous amount of truth and honesty. If I can get even a fraction of your honesty into my own writing, I'll be doing well.
I'm so enraged to hear about those sick leave policies, it's an absolute nightmare. Of course you're struggling if you can't take any time to heal! It takes time no matter what, both for the physical and the mental parts :/
Lovely Rose, thank you for your support across the pond these few months! I'm happy to be back - so much healing can take place in the mind too, and knowing that friends were sending me good energy throughout has no doubt played into that healing too.
…the raw bite your writing gives is enviable/laudable/audible…if nothing else you are honest or (marilyn monroe on) able to play the part…i want to leave the well wishes unspoken but the midwestern in me doesn’t allow it…may this part of your journey at least provide respite at points…your writing gives me odd reliefs…
I have a lovely younger brother, though we do not interact as much as I'd like. And my extended family, especially on my mom's side, are quite kind. We are just far away from each other. But thank you Philip for your concern, it is felt across the digital divide, even a month later. I'm doing much better <3
I've never been THAT sick and alone. I hate sick and alone. The comedian Jerry Seinfeld did little bits before the show would start and most were pretty bad. But one episode he was joking about how men don't handle sickness well. He said something down the lines of "all this big stuff can happen, and you can do whatever you want. (Speaking to a hypothetical wife) But if I get the sniffles, you better be there!"
I lived alone for 8 years after 26 years of marriage, and I HATED it and especially when ill. I hope you really have found people to hold to while you are treated. Just be around and understand what is up is all they need to do.
The most beautiful thing I’ve read in a long time.
It came out perfectly.
Stick to your gut, Lily. You have high agency.
And may you have extra strength, whenever you need it.
I know you hated that Elon Musk comparison but I had to leave it in haha. It's just how my brain works. Fun to come back to this essay 2 months later with this new vitality in me. Hugs to you Claire for your friendship.
You are a gem. Not only do you support those around you but you handle adversity with grace, resilience, and integrity, and I mean that as the highest compliment. I want to be here for you as a friend as you navigate this difficult time. You were never a victim of life’s circumstances because you’ve always tried to transcend them (what I get from your writing). Your seizure of what you can control is inspiring. You are going through so much and still manage to be there for people.
It's wonderful to come back to your comment after a few months - I think I receive it so differently now. It's almost fully internalized now, whereas before I think I was still waffling on the victim/agent feeling.
Several things you’ve said have stuck with me, both about yourself and me
I love how many places this piece went and the different emotions it gave within a 3-5 min read.
Shame. Resentment. "Fuck it" energy. Slight exasperation (okay a lot)
Well done Lily. Sorry about the situation though.
About sick leave: Was wondering the same. When I was sick in Feb, I started comparing Germany and India's company policies. If I was working in India, I'd have lost my job (or pay at least) for falling sick. In Germany, I was covered though.
But there is still a guilt of "when will you be back?" - which is natural but adds more pressure while already being sick
.
I went back and breezed through it after seeing your comment now after a few months - and lol the essay really did go through it all, jeez. That's even after editing down the more "I'm crying into my journal" vibe.
To my director's credit, he also mentioned the European sick leave (France in his case). Though I agree with you, there's still that pressure (though so much of it was also put on by myself!)
That you could write this piece is testament to your vitality and miraculousness. Rest and sleep and quietness are key resources for energy and, thus, accepting help to accommodate these states should be greatly welcomed. The release in accepting your own death is also quite helpful in facing all conditions with ease.
Brett, I don't think we've interacted before, and I'm coming to this reply quite late. But your gentleness towards a stranger like me is deeply felt. Thank you for your kindness.
Hi! I stumbled upon your account by chance... If you haven't yet, have a look at Dr. Gabor Maté's Work. Particularly the book "When the Body Says No". I found it eye-opening.
Marta, I appreciate you leaving a comment through the randomness of Substack! I'm commenting late but now refreshed - and here to say that I like Dr. Mate a lot. I haven't read his books, but have seen a few of his lectures. Thank you for the rec on a specific book!
I love you, Lily. Your pieces always contains a tremendous amount of truth and honesty. If I can get even a fraction of your honesty into my own writing, I'll be doing well.
Hugs Anthony, you're one of my favorite people. Your writing is already truthful, I always get "Anthony" when I read your work :)
Oh Lily, i feel for you!
I'm so enraged to hear about those sick leave policies, it's an absolute nightmare. Of course you're struggling if you can't take any time to heal! It takes time no matter what, both for the physical and the mental parts :/
Lovely Rose, thank you for your support across the pond these few months! I'm happy to be back - so much healing can take place in the mind too, and knowing that friends were sending me good energy throughout has no doubt played into that healing too.
…the raw bite your writing gives is enviable/laudable/audible…if nothing else you are honest or (marilyn monroe on) able to play the part…i want to leave the well wishes unspoken but the midwestern in me doesn’t allow it…may this part of your journey at least provide respite at points…your writing gives me odd reliefs…
Keep the midwestern vibes always CansaFis. Such a joy to resume your gyms! I shall see you soon again.
Do you have any family who treat you well?
I have a lovely younger brother, though we do not interact as much as I'd like. And my extended family, especially on my mom's side, are quite kind. We are just far away from each other. But thank you Philip for your concern, it is felt across the digital divide, even a month later. I'm doing much better <3
I've never been THAT sick and alone. I hate sick and alone. The comedian Jerry Seinfeld did little bits before the show would start and most were pretty bad. But one episode he was joking about how men don't handle sickness well. He said something down the lines of "all this big stuff can happen, and you can do whatever you want. (Speaking to a hypothetical wife) But if I get the sniffles, you better be there!"
I lived alone for 8 years after 26 years of marriage, and I HATED it and especially when ill. I hope you really have found people to hold to while you are treated. Just be around and understand what is up is all they need to do.