This bit has broken my heart a bit, each time I’ve read it: “I realized that if I’d been cast into Hell, then I must be wicked. I didn’t beg to uneat the fruit of knowledge. Instead, I concluded that for evil children like me, birthdays weren’t real and God wasn’t real.”
The relationships people have with religion is more interesting to me than religion itself (is that even possible? Another time…) and this is the best reflection on it I can recall reading.
I was searching for the best way to communicate the idea that children internalize bad treatment instead of realizing that they don't deserve bad treatment, I'm glad that it was impactful the way I intended.
Like your insight about liking the relationship people have to religion than the concept itself...interesting distinction. I think I like both!
Ngl, got choked up in a few spots here. Respect for putting this down. Thank you. Helped me think about some things I wouldn’t be able to put into words.
I got teary myself writing it, especially the part about John Brown. A complex figure. Thank you for reading and reflecting on your own experience. If you write about it yourself one day, I'd love to read it.
Your vignette style allows you to convey so much. And although we only see snapshots, there is a searing intelligence and sensitivity that reverberates from one to the next.
Thank you for reading Simon, I'm glad the style worked. If you like the vignette style, check out who inspired it! @dxh on Substack, who was also in WOP. Here's a piece of his I loved: https://substack.com/@luvnstrug/p-151082946
Steven, thank you for the blessings. I saw that your mother recently passed. Saying a prayer for her, may she be blessed for eternity and may you also continue to be a blessing.
On a long drive I hit a piece of metal, tire popped loudly and I pulled of on a small shoulder around the curve of the highway. I was very not happy about this. Before I reached for my phone, I looked up and a tow truck was backing up. I was dumbfounded.
I talked to the guy, who was looking for someone else. He told me who to call.
Beautiful & heart-breaking, Lily. I wish I would spin the clock backwards and re-make that bike.
I loved the structure of this piece, and the way your intelligence and humanity haunt & flit through its beams, and of course your masterful wording.
So many amazing moments and phrases-- "time dilated; terror and wonder braided together" and "God in every bandage, every ladle, every rope." Just beautiful.
Coming from a military community, I hear lots of jokes about our crayon-eating Marine brethren, but gosh darn it a van full of them on a deserted road can for sure be a spiritual version of a AAA roadside experience.
Also, this story is so relevant to both our times (I'm sure many readers will find bits of their journey in yours, from the church playgrounds of childhood to the Tumblr years) and to our essential timelessness (each of us chases the firefly of our spirituality through the fog of our lives, in any age and any place).
My mom and I fished the bike out the next day and tried to repair it - I was able to ride it!
Thank you as usual for your insightful reflections on writing, it's always a joy to hear from your perspective especially. I'm glad my obsessive writing and re-writing of this essay paid off.
Loved learning about your proximity to "crayon-eating brethren" lol, and your own experiences that mirror mine! Excited to talk with you 1:1 about all the timeless stories from the dog of our lives :) <3
Very grateful that you found what you needed in something I wrote. That's much more than I can hope for, that writing can move even beyond personal transformation. Sending you a virtual hug.
Lily, this made my day! I know exactly that nervous, exposed feeling that comes with sharing an essay, which is why I'm so glad my comment was encouraging. Your writing has been such a bright spot in my reading life, and I'm grateful our paths crossed through WOP.
So beautiful.
This bit has broken my heart a bit, each time I’ve read it: “I realized that if I’d been cast into Hell, then I must be wicked. I didn’t beg to uneat the fruit of knowledge. Instead, I concluded that for evil children like me, birthdays weren’t real and God wasn’t real.”
The relationships people have with religion is more interesting to me than religion itself (is that even possible? Another time…) and this is the best reflection on it I can recall reading.
I like that thought, Claire! The relationship we each have to faith and to our meaning-making structures is fascinating.
I was searching for the best way to communicate the idea that children internalize bad treatment instead of realizing that they don't deserve bad treatment, I'm glad that it was impactful the way I intended.
Like your insight about liking the relationship people have to religion than the concept itself...interesting distinction. I think I like both!
Ngl, got choked up in a few spots here. Respect for putting this down. Thank you. Helped me think about some things I wouldn’t be able to put into words.
I got teary myself writing it, especially the part about John Brown. A complex figure. Thank you for reading and reflecting on your own experience. If you write about it yourself one day, I'd love to read it.
Another piece that hits home for me. The journey to believe in God and to find faith is tempered through our trauma and time. Beautifully expressed.
Mary, you are one of my favorite people I met last year. Beautiful expression "tempered through trauma and time" - Catch up with you soon.
Stunning.
Your vignette style allows you to convey so much. And although we only see snapshots, there is a searing intelligence and sensitivity that reverberates from one to the next.
Thank you for reading Simon, I'm glad the style worked. If you like the vignette style, check out who inspired it! @dxh on Substack, who was also in WOP. Here's a piece of his I loved: https://substack.com/@luvnstrug/p-151082946
Yes! Dan is a master at vignettes.
this was beautiful read lily. be blessed. and may you continue to be a blessing to others.
Steven, thank you for the blessings. I saw that your mother recently passed. Saying a prayer for her, may she be blessed for eternity and may you also continue to be a blessing.
You have a gift for putting words to nebulous concepts and feelings
Anu, you are an incisive writer and excellent feedback giver. Thank you for your efforts to help me put those nebulous concepts down!
A masterpiece Lily, well done!
Matt, thank you for your 2x read through and your continuous insight and friendship! <3
On a long drive I hit a piece of metal, tire popped loudly and I pulled of on a small shoulder around the curve of the highway. I was very not happy about this. Before I reached for my phone, I looked up and a tow truck was backing up. I was dumbfounded.
I talked to the guy, who was looking for someone else. He told me who to call.
Your story reminded me of that.
Thanks for sharing (:
Great story, another round of serendipity :) It tends to smile upon us when least expected. Thanks for sharing, made me smile.
Beautiful & heart-breaking, Lily. I wish I would spin the clock backwards and re-make that bike.
I loved the structure of this piece, and the way your intelligence and humanity haunt & flit through its beams, and of course your masterful wording.
So many amazing moments and phrases-- "time dilated; terror and wonder braided together" and "God in every bandage, every ladle, every rope." Just beautiful.
Coming from a military community, I hear lots of jokes about our crayon-eating Marine brethren, but gosh darn it a van full of them on a deserted road can for sure be a spiritual version of a AAA roadside experience.
Also, this story is so relevant to both our times (I'm sure many readers will find bits of their journey in yours, from the church playgrounds of childhood to the Tumblr years) and to our essential timelessness (each of us chases the firefly of our spirituality through the fog of our lives, in any age and any place).
This was a tour de force, Lily. What an essay.
My mom and I fished the bike out the next day and tried to repair it - I was able to ride it!
Thank you as usual for your insightful reflections on writing, it's always a joy to hear from your perspective especially. I'm glad my obsessive writing and re-writing of this essay paid off.
Loved learning about your proximity to "crayon-eating brethren" lol, and your own experiences that mirror mine! Excited to talk with you 1:1 about all the timeless stories from the dog of our lives :) <3
Reached the last paragraph and broke into tears. Thank you for the 2 minute cry this morning. I needed it.
Very grateful that you found what you needed in something I wrote. That's much more than I can hope for, that writing can move even beyond personal transformation. Sending you a virtual hug.
So well-written. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Thank you for joining me on the journey Amanda! <3
Just beautiful, Lily. Don’t know what else to say except well done. Exceptional writing and storytelling.
You've been a constant, generous voice, and so exceptionally supportive - so glad to have met you through the WOP network.
Lily, this made my day! I know exactly that nervous, exposed feeling that comes with sharing an essay, which is why I'm so glad my comment was encouraging. Your writing has been such a bright spot in my reading life, and I'm grateful our paths crossed through WOP.
Interesting thoughts!
Means a lot coming from someone with nothing but interesting thoughts! Thanks for reading!
…so much serendipity…or is that god?…
Serendipity is definitely where I think God reaches us the most <3